I can identify with Robert M. Price's essay entitled "From Fundamentalism to Humanist". Unlike Robert, I wasn't "saved" at an early age. I was a student at U. Mass - Lowell (Lowell Technological Institute, in those days) in the early 70s, studying math and relativity physics, and was a pursuer of "Truth" through such various mediums as Science, Religion, Philosophy, Zen, Taoism, hallucinogenic drugs, etc. As a student, I became disenchanted with religion and other abstract methodical approaches to "ULTIMATE" understanding and became more open to experiential means.
At that time there was a great counter-cultural swing toward strict Biblical Christianity (vs. religiosity) that evidenced itself in such movements as "the Jesus People" and the various cults and isms of the time. These were a sort of counter-counter-cultural phenomena. Anyway, I was addicted to drugs and a confusing array of eastern dogmas and longed for a return to some form of purity and simplicity and freedom. Biblical Christianity promised me the freedom ("the Truth shall make you free") that I long sought. I came to view this new , Biblically literal, Christianity as a contra-distinction from the apostocized Christianity that was taught by my parants and evidenced by all the steeples and magnamonous edifaces about the world. It was the True Faith of the apostles - passed down through the ages but severely mangled in the process by organized religion. So, I gave my life to Christ in this True Apostolic manner and by all usual Christian definitions of the phrase, "was saved". I, like many others at that time, desirous to please God and share this new found EXPERIENCE and freedom, witnessed to all my friends and soon saw many converted. I was a campus evangelist! This went on for a long time. I found a new identity in Doug as the guy saved from horrendous sins and sinning, and an sc ientific intellectual to boot! Yep - here I was - Doug, can go into all the detals of Einsten's hyperspace physics - and a Christian! Well now - that must something, right? Umm, well... maybe...
But, after many years of experiencing the reality of what Christianity is all about, I became more and more skeptical. My scientific bent was many times at odds with my faith. In spite of becoming an ardent supporter of such orgs as the "Institute for Creation Research", I always harbored my own set of secret objections and theoretical problems but couldn't really share these objections for fear of being labeled a HERETIC. After all, I was one of the chief defenders of the Bible vs Science. How could I give any evidence to the contrary? I was always the one out there teaching people how to defend their faith from a scientific point of view (though I never let on as to my own personal objections). Furthermore, as a result of my own Biblical studies, I began to become aware of the fact that the Bible is full of inconsistencies, errors, and outright contradictions. When I'd voice these objections to friends (under the guise of "playing the devil's advocate") I'd only get an arousal of personal defense mechanisms from those that I'd hoped were open to Truth. I became more and more irritated by these "head in the sand" defenses and finally began to undertake an ernest inquiry into the Bible and what it really says. This was eye-opening!!! The internet abounds with specific criticisms and blatant contradictions so the facts are available to all. The bottom line is this: as I searched and studied on my own from every concievable resource, I began to become very much aware that these "problems" were well documented and shared by others; I wasn't alone in these questionings. Soon, I came to a point where a very difficult decision must be made. The decision hinged on this: in light of all that I saw, studied, and witnessed, was Biblical Christianity and the Bible ( as God's inspired Word) valid? My conclusion was in the negative and an honest response to that conclusion became obligatory. This wasn't as easy as some might think. I have not only faced being alienated from those that I have accounted as my closest fri ends, but my very family and closest confidants view me as a "wolf in sheep's clothing". My rational and sometimes scientific criticisms are seen as just another proof that I've fallen sway to Satan's rationalistic deceptions. Faith is far superior to rea son, they say. But I can't have faith in something so unreasonable! I fully understand their concerns, given their essential mental assumptions. But I have gone back to the root and analyzed those assumptions and found them lacking.
So here I am - a heretic! But, at least, a heretic that has remained true to the notion of honest pursuance of Truth, having once again returned to the never-never land of reason. But at least I feel confident that I've shaken off one more human contrivance, though it's cost me about 20 years. Oh well - onward!
Doug harp <dharp@cvn.net>