| I started life as a Catholic. When I was little my Dad didn't go to
church much. And I hated going to religion on Saturdays instead
of watching cartoons. But neither of those had any real impact on me becoming
an atheist.
I was brought up with religion. I said my prayers at night for the first few years of my life, stopping only when I (in a typical kid way) decided it was too much trouble. God reigned in Heaven and Jesus watched over me and loved me. I went to church every Sunday and religion class every Saturday when it was "in session". I don't remember when I began trying to reconcile science and Catholicism. I do remember the first time I had the guts to say what I felt and chance the consequences. In 5th grade religion class we were asked, "How did the Earth come to be?" And I answered, very serious, "God made a planet, got mad at the people, and blew it up. Then the pieces formed together to make the Earth." Creationism received its first of many blows that day. In high school my sister and my friends were always talking about hearing God and how they'd pray and get an answer. Me, I couldn't relate. I was still asking child-like questions such as "how do you know you got an answer?" and "what does it feel like to 'hear' God?" The answers were always "you just know". Being a logic-minded person, that didn't work. I got frustrated that nobody seemed able to tell me what was going on. As I said to my choir director, "It's like everybody's playing a video game that I don't know how to play and can't find the directions for." It felt like that "telepathy" trick a teacher played once. He told us to concentrate and if we cleared our minds we would feel something. If we felt it then he could send us a thought. When he asked "Who felt it?" almost everybody's hand went up. I looked around the room thinking "yeah, right, sure you did". Was this whole 'talking to God' thing nothing more than people wishing it was true so they wouldn't be left out? I still believed the "core" parts: God exists, Jesus loves me, the saints pray for us. But I began to ask myself just what else I really believed. As Catholicism made less and less sense to me, I even began questioning the core parts. I reached a point where I would either embrace my religion wholeheartedly, having found an answer that would show me my doubts were understandable yet wrong, or I would realize I was an atheist. Being an atheist was still a somewhat frightening idea for me, but if that's what I was I knew I would come to accept it. I asked myself, "OK, what do I believe and why?" I went through the Catholic beliefs one at a time asking myself what my position was on that belief. When I had examined the last belief, I realized that I didn't believe any of the religion-dependant parts. Comparitive Theology (or at least that's what I called it) led me to believe that Judaism, and thus Christianity, was just an ancient tribal religion that defined a people. Christianity's widespread popluarity was directly attributable to Rome's all-embracingness (is that a word?). I've put up with a lot of weird stuff since becoming an atheist. People think I'm incapable of morality because I don't know God's love. (Then explain why an overwhelming number of prison inmates are Christian.) They tell me I have no religious beliefs. (Hello! No God! That's a religious belief!) My family doesn't understand my atheism; they think I'll "come around eventually". (Yeah, right after you come around to the idea that if you ask nicely gnomes will bring you popcorn.) I'm an atheist. Am I proud of my atheism? Are you proud that you think it's wrong to kill people? No, it's simply what you believe. But I am comfortable with my beliefs and am proud to stand up for them. And that's all anyone can really ask of themselves. Mike Gurak |