January 29, 2000
First Anniversary as an Atheist : by Lori Gilliland

I have always questioned what people told me about the bible and the stories found in it. But in the early 1970’s, in Glendive, Montana, Billy Graham came to town. Through his music and his promise that Christ loved me he said all I needed to do was accept Christ into my heart and I will be saved. I walked down the aisle in tears and knelt down before the stage and became a Born-Again Christian. Afterwards, I was taken into a room and given a mentor. This mentor said she would call me the next evening and start guiding me through my new life as a “true” Christian.

This was the one and only time I’ve ever been stood up. I, a lonely teen-ager, sat next to the phone all evening for naught. Looking back I am glad she never called me. Who knows what I would be like today if she had. Anyway, I then commenced to make my life, and my family’s life miserable for months with my new found faith. I literally carried the bible around, thumping it and tried to save my family. This is an embarrassing memory for me. Of course my siblings just dished it back and my parents ignored my ranting thinking, “ She is just going through a phase”, and I was. I slowly came to my senses. For years after that, I always considered myself a Christian. I told myself the bible was not to be taken literally and since I had Christ within my heart he would not abandon me. So I grew up and all through my twenties I lived a normal life as any young person, Dating, Parties, Living on my own and enjoying life in general.

It wasn’t until after I married in my early thirty’s when the ugly face of fundamentalism appeared in my life once again. I have to thank at least two different individuals for pushing me completely away from religion. The first person is related to me through marriage and this person is a hard-core Catholic. I have never met such an angry and mean person like this before. Paranoia and bigotry come to mind immediately when this person’s name is mentioned. I used to just shake my head in disbelief and keep my mouth shut. Then a couple of years ago, this person and the spouse did not go to their daughter’s wedding because it would not be recognized by “the Church”. I was dumb- struck by their action. It was so sad at the wedding. The daughter on the night of the rehearsal, weakly told the preacher that her parents might not be there. She was still hoping they would change their minds and show up. They didn’t. These people put “the church” before their own flesh and blood. This is the number one reason I became an atheist. The only comfort I found that weekend, was that most of the congregation from their church went to the wedding. I guess it will be very lonely for them in Heaven.

The second person who convinced me that “religion is bunk” was a former co-worker. This person is member of a local Charismatic Christian Church. This person felt it was a duty to save my soul. I actually liked this person, but when it came to religion and politics this person was way out there. Religion and politics are the same for this co-worker. A true Fundy to the marrow. This was the first Fundy I had ever met, and it was quite an experience. This Fundy of course believed the bible was literally true. My eyes would enlarge and my mouth would drop open in amazement over some of the things I was told to verify “THE TRUTH”. We had several discussions and then, during one of our discourses, the Fundy proclaimed I sounded like a Humanist. At that time I didn’t know what that meant. Later, I tortured myself and watched the proceedings of the impeachment trial of President Clinton. I couldn’t understand why people where acting so crazy. I still remember the anger and hatred in the voices. I was bewildered and disgusted by it all.

So, during this time in American History, I went to my computer one afternoon and typed in the search word “HUMANIST”, and my life was changed forever. That was one year ago this month. This is my first anniversary as a freethinker. I spent almost all of my spare time in 1999 surfing the net. The Internet Infidels has been a wonderful place to increase my knowledge and define who and what I am today. In the first few months I shied away from the title Atheist, I considered myself Agnostic, a Freethinker and or a Humanist. But , after twelve full months of research , there is no doubt I am an Atheist. I figure, if there is something else out there, it is defiantly not one the various gods’ man has made up.

I am not trying to promote a particular web page but, The Happy Heretic, was the first Web page that really jump- started my mind. Judith Hayes is a writer that uses humor to dis the religious. I read all her archives in one afternoon, and afterwards I felt I had known her all my life. All the questions and doubts I have experienced in life where in her stories. That afternoon, I felt a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It was such a relief to know I am not alone in my exasperation with fanaticism.

Any questions or comments are welcome: my e-mail is l_gilliland@hotmail.com