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My parents are both agnostics and not particularly religious. However
my grandparents are all fairly religious (Catholic). So I was baptized
and
taken to mass sometimes by my grandparents. I also had a children's bible
that I read, but I found most of my other books a lot more interesting.
So
when I was young, I did believe in a God (I also believed in Santa Claus,
the
Easter bunny and magic).
I think the first time I doubted was my first trip on an airplane when
I was about 4. I looked out the window and wondered why heaven wasn't
there.
I mean, they're supposed to sit on clouds and play the harp right? I know
now
that any theist would tell you that you can't see heaven, but I was just
a
child who believed in the very material aspects of religion. Of course,
I
didn't bother wondering about it, there were more interesting things to
do.
My next doubts were when I was in kindergarten. I was looking forward
to Christmas and I explained to my parents that I only wanted one thing
for
Christmas, a magic wand that could do anything. I had my heart set on
getting
that one present, and surely Santa would reward a good little girl like
me.
Of course, my parents had to break the news to me that Santa didn't exist.
That's when I stopped believing in Santa, the Easter bunny, magic and
God. To
my mind, if my parents had lied about Santa, then why should I trust what
anyone else said about other mythical creatures that couldn't be proved?
At
the time I didn't tell my parents because I didn't know they were agnostics.
They probably figured it out and I did tell them a few years later.
During my elementary school years I had a very good friend who was
Jewish. I found it kind of odd that there would be so many different
religions. And I felt her belief in God was just the same as a Christians.
As
another religious friend explained to me, the thought that all beliefs
in God
are equal is an idea that comes from Satan. She also told me she'd pray
for
my soul. Sadly this didn't explain to me how people can believe in something
they had no proof for. I mean, my math teacher wouldn't accept an answer
to a
question just because I said, "An old book says so!"
I was very curious about belief, I simply didn't understand it. And I
continued into middle school debating with people about religion. My favorite
person to debate with was a smart Christian (Is that an oxymoron?) girl.
We
debated mostly over creation vs. evolution. She told me there was scientific
evidence that supported creation, but she couldn't name anything in
particular. When I asked her why she believed she explained that it comforted
her.
I even went as far as to try creating my own religion, Bastetism,
worship of the Egyptian cat goddess Bastet. At it's height (7th grade)
it had
4 followers including me. None of us actually believed it, but we had
a ton
of fun at scaring theists. They thought we were crazy. I think they would
have thought Jesus was crazy if he had told them to worship Bastet. We
had a
whole worship system we created (Or were divinely inspired to create as
I
explained...) set up to worship Bastet. And it was all a parody of
Christianity. Except none of the theists got the joke. Over the summer
we
called it quits and I continued to debate with theists. Well, it seems
I've
worked my way to the present. I'm currently in 9th grade and am 14 years
old.
And I'm still looking for an answer to the question, why do people believe?
(I quess I haven't been looking hard enough, or it possible there is no
answer I could accept?)
Thanks for listening to my story. For those we want to tell me that I'M
GONNA GO TO HELL UNLESS I ACCEPT JESUS (PraiseHisName) AND STOP THIS SILLY
QUESTIONING AND GO BACK TO BLIND FAITH AND UNTIL THEN I WILL BE DOOOMED!
DOOOOOOMED! I can be reached at:
Heard_It_Before@ndDontCare.com
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