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To be sincere with you, I was an atheist since a very young age, roughly since age seven or eight. I do remember since then I began to develop a strong sense of wonder towards the Universe, its workings and mysteries. Unfortunately, being a small kid in a big dangerous city (I live in Monterrey, NL, Mexico, a primer in crime and abduction) I did not have the commodity of getting essential books for my readings; fortunately, I had the Discovery Channel. I grew up in the heart of a Catholic family, attending church mostly all Sundays, and educated in a Catholic elementary school. Despite this strong religious background, I never cared that much about Catholicism, God and Jesus. Certainly, I used to pray when my mother told me to do so, and the school was filled of religious icons and legends. You could visualize it as a childish do-nothing-and-be-quiet reaction from my part. Actually, taking all these things in consideration, I was more of an agnostic than an atheist then, but I was slowly paving my way to my future way of thinking. My very first big question was the classic one every curious child ever asks: What existed before the Universe existed? My mom could do nothing but answer me that God was kind enough to create all that there is to exist. Sure, maybe the big guy created all Existence, but this does not answer my question! So, I went to my natural sciences teachers (I was nine years then) and asked here the very same question. She told me to go ask it to the school's principal, a priest. My former elementary school finds its origins back to France, one of the many legendary schools founded by St. Jean-Baptiste de La Salle, so discipline is a little bit too strict. The priest, upon listening to my question, told me I was too young to ask such things. Such an answer really left me with no hope. Because of reasons even I do not understand, it was during the period of years between ages 11-14 when I became one of the most righteous Catholics you could ever imagine. Maybe it was the alienation of early puberty, maybe just a sense of insecurity, whatever the case might have been, I was a total believer, not only of Christianity/Catholicism, but of any other supernatural hocus-pocus that comes to mind. It was not until age 15, when I finally began to question my beliefs and realized how naive I had been all the time; but despite it, a small seed still remained. To reinforce my biblical-doubts, I bought Stephen Hawkings brilliant A Brief History of Time: Illustrated. Not only did this book open up my horizons, but it also showed me (again) the wonders of the Natural World. But it was thanks to Carl Sagans Demon-Haunted World that I finally stepped back to my original state of mind. I already knew of Sagan before reading his book, but for the reasons I stated earlier, never had the opportunity to buy any of his books. He, literally, slapped me back to pure reason! Unfortunately, I had to suffer not only elementary school, but the following post-elementary three years and high school with a formal Catholic social education. It was hell. My family does not know I am atheist, although my mother (I think) does suspect it. I am 19 years old now, and I do love her much, but I cannot stand his hyper-conservative way of thinking. Being the only liberal of your house is no easy business (many of you ought to know it), and is subject of many problems. Now my room is filled with all sort of books, ranging from Science to philosophy and plain misanthropic literature, but this imposes a certain problem that, in a sense, has reinforced my atheism. I am a black/death metal/neo-classical/dark ambient/classic music lover, and just a few months ago I bought a CD entitled Chaostar, a side project of another band called Septic Flesh. Its cover displayed a naked woman in a vampire-like fashion holding another girl, a rather lesbian approach, but it really had me without problem. The music was a beautiful neo-classical arrange of the best kind I have ever heard. To my dismay, I discovered one day the CD broken in pieces. When I questioned my mom, she told me one lame excuse, but after she saw how much of a devil I was becoming, she told me the truth: She broke it (Ohh, I didnt know!!) because she got freaked out at the cover, and she is worried about her Christian/Catholic son and doesnt want him to walk the wrong path.(It's not the first time it happens) After A good sermon from my part, she agreed to never again mess with the things in my room. This little lesson showed me just how weary and fragile are most (but not all) of the Christian/Catholic parents towards the things their children experience with. They do not realizes (I presume) that each man/woman makes his/her own Raison Dtre by the choices one makes for him/herself. Thank God (je je!) I have been lucky enough to find an atheist (or agnostic, Im quite not sure) girl friend. Sorry If I expanded myself with this, I tend to get carried away! Sincerely J.T. Hope clouds observation. --Frank Herbert |