-pit><The lights come up in the Temple of Zorb and his Pantheon of Improbable
Fellow Deities, Blackpool. Arch-Gecko Bold Fenian and a choir of robed Zorbists
launch into 'Croc of Ages', as Zorb descends on a cloud into the sacred -pit>
Zorb: 'Ello, folks.
Congregation: 'Ello our Zorb
Zorb: Now tonight, we combine our regular worship and guinness-tasting with the public humiliation of a heretic, Fink.
<Congregation drink, pray, prey, play rubber harmonicas and screech according to species and/or denomination>
Zorb: Bring him in!
<Enter Cramshaw and Spork, on clouds, dragging Fink between them, and being careful to step over the prone and snoring body of Artemedias>
Fink: I know God does exsits, can I prove it hand held evidence, not really, but I know when He speaks to me.
Zorb: What is this? Self-contradiction night at the idiots' club? You hear voices. You conclude that it is God. Yet when other people hear different voices, you conlcude that they are mad or possessed by demons. Get some help soon, before it's too late!
Fink: I don't really care about the argument about evolution. I do not know everything about geology and the like. No one can prove God does't exsits.
Zorb: So what if they can't? Can you prove I don't exist? What about Cramshaw? What about Zeus? Or Shiva? If not, aren't you taking a bit of a risk by choosing one deity and risking the wrath of the others?
<BF and the choir sing a quick chorus of 'Gladly my Croc I'd bear'>
Fink: Evolution seems so illogical and an insult to my intelligence.( I know, I don't have any right)
Zorb: You have already admitted you don't understand it. Then who are you to judge whether or not it is illogical? Damn right you have no right, right?
Congregation: Right!
Fink: Life can not start from nothing with out help.
Zorb: How do you know? You have already admitted ignorance, now you are arguing by assertion from an 'ex cathedra' position of perfect knowledge. WHAT ARE YOU ON?
Fink: If there is no God that means there is no absolute truth(right or wrong).
Zorb: Why not? Non sequitur alert!
Fink: So way should everything be legal. Why to we blush or feel love and hate. Why do we feel guilt, pride, and envy.
Zorb: Has it occurred to you that they might have evolved? Wouldn't it be wise to find out a little more about the subject before shooting your mouth off?
Fink: Is it so bad to think there is a Great Good God trying to love us.
Zorb: When the evidence points so strongly away from it, yes there is. It makes more sense to think of god as a large crocodile trying to eat you.
<BF and the choir launch into "The Old Rugged Croc" while Cramshaw and Spork dispute the nature of 'god-as-crocodile' with Zorb>
Fink: If any of you have children do you ever punish them, say no to something they ask of or put them to some kind of test. If you guys only knew what I know you would understand.
Zorb: And if you knew what I know you would worship the crocodile! Secret knowledge that cannot be explained or shared is inadmissible!
Fink: What is your hope in, cryogenices or however you spell it. It won't ever happen because you guys are still wrong Believe there is no God.
Zorb: Hello, Mr Grammar? What is this sentence trying to say?
Fink: It does'nt matter to me.
Zorb: Then why waste your time and ours going on about it ad infinitum?
Fink: It matters to you. If you think when you die thats it, sorry about your luck. You guys also want me to be objective, why don't you.
Zorb: Aha - the Nimbo-esque threat of hell. And by the way Nimbo - Hume never attacks US for the reason that unlike you, our prophets do not take us seriously! <nods of agreement from Cramshaw, Spork and Artemedias>
Fink: Prttend in your mind there is a God for real.
Zorb: If there really is a god, why should anyone have to pretend that it is so? Could we ask you to pretend that it hurts when we hammer a meat thermometer up your nose? <two acolytes have to forcibly restrain Spork from carrying out the experiment>
Fink: Can any of you put your pride down for a minute and think" Hey, maybe there some that I might not understand completely.
Zorb: Of COURSE these guys are open to thinking - but the end result of careful thinking by intelligent, open-minded people is NOT a conclusion that a legend several thousand years old and full of holes and contradictions is actually true! Can't you see that?
And now - the main part of our service: Let us all remember that good Zorbists get to be reincarnated as huge lizards with big, sharp pointy teeth!
<BF and the choir strike up "Be you later, Aligator", as Cramshaw
and Spork shove Fink into the
pit, where Zorb duly crunches him up>
