<BF and the band launch into "Crocodile Rock"; enter Hume in a spangly suit>
Hume: Thank you! Thank you, ladies, gentlemen and minor improbable deities! Now tonight on 'Smack the Nominalist' we have a very special guest, all the way from 'Christiansaresad' - it's Lauramc.
<enter Kira in spangly cowgirl-gear, dragging in lauramc, whose arms are pinioned to her sides by Kira's lassoo of logic>
Hume: Thank you Kira!
Kira: Yeeeeeee-haw!
Hume: Now lauramc - I gather that you're going to try the impossible and define the 'god of atheism'!
lauramc: You people try so hard to defy what you hope to be an empty throne. How terrible you will feel on the day of judgement when you can no longer blatently curse the God of the universe as being unreal.
Hume: You presuppose that the atheist/agnostic world view is basically your own, with the ommission or substitution of god. Yet our own Julio put it very nicely when he said that he didn't believe in the CONCEPT of god to start with. This also violates the 'no preaching' rule, and will be punished accordingly...
<minor deities gather round and do unspeakable things with teeth, beer bottles, rubber harmonicas and monkey faeces>
lauramc: Do you honestly believe that the atom is your ultimate creator, your God even? How sad...
Hume: It would be sad if it wasn't just nonsensical. Atheists HAVE no god. That's what atheist MEANS, you pillock. How many temples to the atom have atheists built? How many hours a day do atheists spend in prayer to the atom? How many holy wars and inquisitions have atheists started in the name of the atom? You make the elementary mistake of thinking that atheists are just like theists, relying on the same mental and emotional crutches, feeling threatened by dissent and needing to push barmy beliefs down the throats of all who disagree.
lauramc: How do you combine matter with conscience mind?
Hume: I prefer to phrase the question thus: How can consciousness exist without a material base?
<immaterial deities in the audience fall unconscious trying to contemplate this one>
lauramc: How is it that a body can recreate itself through the years by skin, tissues, bone etc.. but your consience mind remain the same which is the ultimate you if you are only atoms & matter. Matter or atoms do not contribute to the conscience mind atoms are not in thought, matter is not in thought.
Hume: This is simply wrong. The conscious mind DOES change with age, and IS affected by material things (drugs, brain-damage, electrical disturbance as in Wilder Penfield's experiments). The assertion that matter and consciousness are unrelated is not only unprovable, it is already highly improbable in the light of current knowledge about human brains. Go into any 'popular science' section of a good bookshop, or even read the science pages of a good newspaper, and you will find ample material on this subject. We can only conclude that you haven't made the effort to read ANY of it.
<audience falls silent but for the rustle of pages>
lauramc: Here is something I would like for any of you atheists to explain to me. How is it that matter is where the buck stops scientifically for atheism but the mind (thoughts) is void of matter or atoms where the same scientists fear to tread. Until you have studied both sides of your quest for no God you need to go to the side of the scientific issue of the mind behind the matter and then see how many roadblocks you stumble over in your ungodly quest.
Hume: On the contrary, little miss ignorance, there are many scientists working on questions concerned with the mind and consciousness. It's one of the most debated questions in modern science. Where have you been HIDING all through the 90s? In church? As for your 'ungodly quest' crack, this bothers me. Are you suggesting that priests with no scientific background should have a veto on what scientists study? Isn't this a return to the dark ages? Galileo would not have appreciated this, I'm sure.
The Deified Galileo, sitting in row C: Damno righto, Humo! Ciao!
lauramc: You cannot easily play off thoughts as a form of atoms grouping together to make something, so where did this power come from if not from matter?
Hume: You are right that it's not easy. It's extremely difficult and advanced science. But you haven't even TRIED to follow it, so why should we take your opinion seriously?
lauramc: You will never be able to explain this one with the scientific approach of atheism because thoughts cannot be explained away in the scientific lab as easily as the atom to rectify the void of a creator to suit your own agenda which is to blatently curse a God you are trying so hard to believe is non-existant. You use non-sensical intellectual babble in an effort to introduce your ridiculous claims (puts me in mind of politics) you have probably gotten to the point where you dont even understand what your saying yourself.
The Deified Bertrand Russell, sitting in row E: Schmurblissiomo, boppity bee bonk futtock gnargle head manouevre!
Hume: Does the phrase 'god of the gaps' mean anything to you? Beware - theists have been saying 'you can't explain X with science' for hundreds of years, and they've been wrong EVERY TIME. What makes you think you're right? Just because YOU don't understand science, you assume that scientists don't. Wrong again. Wake up and smell the formaldehyde...
lauramc: You site appear to be cursing God more so rather than making him obsolete. Are you sure you dont believe? Are you sure you just dont hate him? Dispise him even.
Hume: Yes, quite sure thank you. Be careful lest we end up despising you...
lauramc: I know that there is some part in each of you athiests that are wondering if your theory is correct.
Hume: Yes. It's called curiosity and humility. My favourite term for it is the Victorianism 'honest doubt'.
<audience admit that they're not sure what 'honest doubt' means>
lauramc: I know you will argue till your blue in the face and until you find yourself rambling in your lust for freedom from a soveriegn Lord, but then again arent all religions that way. They hold onto their adopted faith like a vice even when opposition prooves to get the best of them in the debate!
Hume: Atheism is not a religion. As for holding on to adpoted faith like a vice, that's exactly what you're doing now. Please try and develop some self-knowledge...
lauramc: How can you say you have the understanding of how the universe was formed when you cannot fathom the powers and ultimate intelligent direction within it.
Hume: What evidence do you have for intelligent direction? Lay out your case from the evidence rather than by sweeping assertion, and let's see how right you are...
lauramc: True, religion SEEMS TO HAVE culminated in many wars (lets forget I said politics and greed could be the real issue turned into some form of religious movement to look more acceptable in promoting their cause by ungodly people such as ummm lets say ATHEISTS and the like).
Hume: So atheists were behind the crusades and current jihads? Thanks for setting us straight there!
<several minor deities, led by Spork, start a holy war involving crap slinging at lauramc, narrowly missing Kira who lassoos Spork and wrestles him to the ground>
lauramc: Give credit where credit is due folks!!!
Hume: Hmmm.... nice organ music, cool stained-glass and some nice poetry.
lauramc: You guys better wake up and smell the coffee beans because your judegment is much nearer than you think, you better go read the book of revelations and prepare to meet your maker because revelations is set to unfold and is unfolding as we speak!!
Hume: Here we go... end times prophecy. Remind us how many of the hundreds of prophecies of imminent end-times in the past have come true?
lauramc: The UN is announcing its coming new world order, chips have been made to implants in humans for control, Catholics are trying to unite a one world religion. If you have never tried to understand what bible prophecy is telling about the political situation in which we live in you would do well to set down your planet of the apes book and pick up the book you've been cursing for years to find the source of real common sense and intelligence, dont keep blinding yourself from the truth with lies of ungodly scientist who create theorys and call them facts, perform studies where you never see the real results but blindly accept them, YOUR FAITH IN MAN'S WORD IS GOING TO SEND YOU TO THE ETERNAL GRAVE. I would ask more questions but those who refuse to open their eyes to truth and reality will not be convinced with one more question...
Hume: WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP! NUTTER ALERT! NUTTER ALERT! Now please - do us the courtesy of providing some evidence for these wild, third-hand assertions.
<a black helicopter appears, with the Pope at the controls. Kira draws a .45 caliber Ockham's razor from its spangly holster and sends the chopper to join phlogiston and luminiferous aether>
lauramc: Well here I'll do it anyway, maybe one of you, by the grace of God, will listen to my plea...
Whats it going to hurt to worship God? Especially If I'm right!!!!
Hume: Bzzt! Pascal's wager alert! It hurts a lot of people, in fact. It hurts scientific progress. It loads people's brains up with unnecessary trash. It hijacks morality and loads it with a smothering carapace of guilt and dread. It prevents people appreciating life as it is. It constricts moral decision-making by substituting pre-set commadments for ethical action. Shall I go on?
Artemedias: No! Enough already - it's opening time! <falls over and goes back to sleep>
lauramc: Please if you have never read the bible, I challenge each and every one of you to personally read it through from first page to last (WITH AN OPEN MIND AND NOT A CLOSED HEART TO WHAT YOU ARE READING) Even if you donot want to believe it could have happened. Personal experience will only satisfy the quest in the search for God whether you are trying to proove or disproove.
Hume: OK, I will set you my standard test. Using your 'personal experience', tell me what items I have in my pockets. This is not frivolous - it is a verifiable test to see whether your method of 'knowing' actually works.
lauramc: No lab test will reveal him for he is not subject to debate in the scientific lab for man cannot take him and disect him as if he were matter or an atom anymore then man can disect the mind or thoughts.
Hume: Your assertion looks quaintly out of date in the light of current mind research. If god is beyond perception, how DO you know that he's there?
lauramc: You will never disprove the fact that their is a God because you donot hold the key to the powers of the universe nor will you ever, your finite mind will never be able fathom the infinite, so quit trying and at least give God half the chance that you have given atheism by reading THOUROUGHLY the book that explains him, no scientist could ever explain God but the bible can and will but you have to read it first people, and not just skipping here and there because that will just leave you confused. READ ABOUT HIM THROUGH AND THROUGH WITH AN OPEN MIND BEFORE YOU TRY TO DISPROVE HIM!! And if you tell me I have before and you havent then you not hurting me or anyone else in the lie, you are only hurting yourself because the bible is the most interesting book I have ever read concerning man and his yearning for survival!!!!
Hume: I've read it. It's a collection of old writings, some of which contradict each other, and most of which contain innacuracies. So your point would be...?
lauramc: Theres not a soul out there that cannot tell me he doesnt yearn to survive that he abhores the thought of dieing of going out of the known (LIFE) into the unknown (DEATH). Why deprive yourself of seeking an eternal life in peace and happiness that you crave!! And likewaise if you tell me you dont, you are merely lyeing to yourself not me, because every man was instilled with the urge to survive by his creator!!!!
Hume: Bodily survival and the immortality of a 'soul' are two seperate things. I don't 'abhor' the thought of death, I accept it as something that's going to happen to me. I hope that when the time comes I will disappear into nothingness with a minimum number of regrets, a minimum level of pain and suffering and children left behind to continue bearing my genes in other bodies. I can think of nothing more boring and frustrating than eternal life!
lauramc: You may say what of the otehr religions, I have to say why are you inclined to be so judgemental about the christian god. You are thouruogly trying to establish facts against the christian god, not the buddhist one,
Hume: Because the majority of theists we come into contact with are Christians.
lauramc: Why is it that you more vehemently deny Jehovah than any other, is it because you feel more threatened by this God? yeah, I think I hit the hammer right on the nail with that one...
Hume: Now THERE's a new one for the fundy phrasebook!
<several audience members get out their hammers and start looking for the nail on which to hit them>
lauramc: Can I ask you why it is you are not blasting the Mohammad in your links instead of Jesus.
Hume: When Muslims drop by (as they sometimes do), we argue against them just as carefully. You are being too selective in your memory...
lauramc: You are not trying to put their religion down.
Hume: Yes we are.
lauramc: Why aren't you blasting all faiths?
Hume: We do.
lauramc: I'll tell you why- your conscience mind isnt telling you to feel threatened by them thats why!!! YOU GUYS BETTER WAKE UP FROM YOUR FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!
Hume: Why are you panicking so much? Does the existence of happy atheists threaten you that much? You wasted your life praying to a god you always knew deep down wasn't there. and the thought that you missed the one chance at life you got eats away inside you like a maggot in the bud. Please spare me your anger, it has nothing to do with me!
<minor deities rush at lauramc for doubting their existence and throw her
bodily into the
Hume: that's all for now folks! See you next week...
Kira: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
