! ! !<roll the cheesy music - this time, it's Gregorian Chant set to a disco beat in honour of our guest - enter Hume in spangly jacket>
Hume: Thank you! Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen! Thank you! Now tonight we have a very special show - a guy who's been itching to play this show ever since it first appeared. It's everyone's favourite psycho-papist, Nimbo!
<wild applause from audience, as Kira - dressed as a killer striptease-nun in habit slit to thigh, fishnets and trainers (she objected to high heels, remember?) leads in Nimbo, who is dressed as a mediaeval penitent in hood, whip and bare torso>
Hume: Hey Nimbo - I see you've picked up a nasty habit there!
<audience laugh on cue>
No, but seriously folks - the mediaeval look ain't just on the outside of his head - it goes right through to the middle!
<audience roar with laughter until cue card boy lowers the prompt>
So Nimbo - I gather you are going to try to make a statement about faith...
Nimbo: You only BELIEVE that God doesn't exist. That is a Faith.
Hume: So not believing in the tooth fairy is a faith too, is it?
Audience: Ooh! Aah! Torture him in the good ol'inquisition way!
Nimbo: The copious number of witnesses that have existed throughout history and that exist today that believe in some sort of deity FAR outnumber the atheist population. Atheism is, by sheer force of numbers, a minority opinion, and thus, without sufficient proof to contradict all the supernatural occurrences and all the millions of witnesses, many of them scientists to boot,
Hume: So if I've got this straight, scientific truth is to be determined by a majority vote of people who haven't done the experiments, right?
Audience: SMACK THE NOMINALIST! SMACK THE NOMINALIST!
Nimbo: ... atheism is nothing more than a BELIEF that God does not exist. That no proof is sufficient to change your mind when it has changed so many, many others is not proof of God's non-existence, only proof in your barricading your mind to such proof. Thus, it is an unproven theory, which demands FAITH.
Hume: So you're happy with the definition of 'theory' as 'something unproven'? And to place a burden of proof in the non-existence of the tooth fairy on you?
Audience: ! ! !
Nimbo: Atheism needs the concept of God in order to exist, in order to intellectually disprove the existence of God.
Hume: So for you not to believe in purple invisiblt moon monkeys, you have to have the concept of purple invisible moon monkeys first?
Audience <chanting>: Here! There! AJ Ayer!
Nimbo: A God, bizarrely enough, who has said that faith is a gift, freely given, all you have to do is friggin' ASK for it. He's given you a will, a memory, and an understanding. Now get the whole package. Do the 54 Day Rosary Novena and get the free prize included in the package, kids, FAITH!!!
<audience goes wild - Hume pulls the lever and deposits Nimbo into the
>
