[ Cheesey techno music plays. Tarchon walks out on to the stage in his spangly labcoat, spectacles, and khaki dress pants ]
Tarchon: Hi everybody!
Audience: Hi Dr.Nick... er... Tarchon.
Tarchon: I'd like to welcome you all to our show. In association with STN television, the hit computer program will hopefully become a hit television programme.
Audience: [laughs at corny joke on cue]
Tarchon: First of all, I'd like to introduce you all to the Bimbomatic
5000, our very own electronic woman. She is programmed to perform all the menial
tasks which would previously been performed by women like Vanna White, or one
of the many "Price's Right" chicks. It is expected that the Bimbomatic
5000 will make the traditional female obsolete by the year 2010.
Let's bring her out!
Audience: [men hooting and catcalling, women silent and offended ]
Bimbomatic 5000: [Rolls out on retro feet wheels onto the stage] Hell-O Ev-er-Y-Bo-dy.
Tarchon: Now, you're all probably wondering what is underneath this gigantic tarp behind me. Well, who am I to keep you waiting! Bimbomatic 5000, remove the tarp.
Bimbomatic 5000: Yes Tarch-on. [ Rolls over on feet wheels to tarp, uses mechanical hand clamps to grab tarp and pull down ]
Audience: Oooooooo...
Tarchon: Aren't you forgetting something?
Audience: Ahhhhhhh...
Tarchon: That's better. What you see here is the end result of thousands of man hours of labour; millions of dollars in funding, and the latest in computer technology. It is five stories high, weighs over nine-hundred tonnes, and has the computing equivalent of... well we don't really have anything to compare it with yet. All it needs is my patented program, "The Biblical Neutralizer" and it will be the most effective Bible debunker on the planet. I will just insert this, the only copy, into the disk drive. [Inserts disk]
Audience: [groans in anticipation ]
Tarchon: [ Turns back around to meet the audience ] Well, as soon as the computer is finished processing the program, we can have a test run. [ fails to notice several small wifts of smoke rising from the main console ] We expect this computer to do what ten thousand sceptics could not, and better too! [ Sparks start flying out ] What the? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Audience: Eieeeee! Eieeeee! [ lights begin to flicker ]
Tarchon: It's alright, as long as I save the disk. [ disk flys out of drive, hits Bimbomatic 5000 in the head and shatters into a hundred pieces ]
Bimbomatic 5000: Main programming disengaged, do you wish to initialize backup programming? Y or N?
Tarchon: My work, my wonderful work! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Bimbomatic 5000: You have selected No. Default programming engaging. Crush, Kill Destroy! Crush Kill Destroy! [ Chases Tarchon around the stage, claws clamping and unclamping ]
Tarchon: Everyone run! Run of you value your lives!!!
Audience: [ gets the heck out of there ]
Tarchon: I would like to thank STN television for this fabulous timeslot, and announce that after a few minor repairs "The Biblical Neutralizer" will be back in no time. Good bye everybody!
Audience: [ By this time running down the street outside ]
[ Cheesy techno music plays, Tarchon runs around with spangly labcoat tails on fire, screaming for his life. Fades to black ]