IRC conversation

The following is a transcript of a chat I had recently on the DALNET #christian IRC channel. This is recreational christianity. I've tidied it up to remove system messages and other conversations, and coloured the different speakers, but apart from that this is verbatim. My name was qux. If you're not used to IRC, the first word (in bold) of each line is the name of the person who wrote that line. Enjoy! I've underlined some of the funnier lines...

qux one of my friends is praying to satan to ask him to stop being bad.
is that a good idea?
motoms NO NO NO NO NO
motoms Only pray to JESUS!!!!!!!!!
teweeka Is that a leading question. If you are on a Christian Chat room
you know it
teweeka is stupid to pray to Satan!!!!!!
qux but then satan won't know that we want him to stop.
motoms ya hear that Hammerman, sir?
Hammerman hear what???
Hammerman motoms?
motoms Satan is no dummy.  He's just a jerk.
Hammerman amen!!!!
motoms Hammerman, sir, I said JESUS is to whom we pray.
Hammerman i know that
qux so will Jesus tell Satan to stop being bad?
Hammerman when he comes back he will
motoms You said you hadn't heard anyone say Jesus, Hammerman
teweeka Satan is a fallen angel and God created him, but He sent His Son to
die for US!!
motoms Satan won't stop being bad until Jesus locks him up.
Hammerman u didn't understand me
motoms That's right, teweeka
motoms Sorry Hammerman
qux he does it in his church, so he will be safe
Hammerman i was trying to get a little praise going
{SeaBreez} motoms.. and that day cant come soon enough for me !
qux so why won't jesus lock him up sooner?
{SeaBreez} P T L on Satans Lock UP !
motoms qux---he CAN'T be safe praying to Satan anywhere.
qux well, jesus will know what he's doing and protect him, cos jesus is stronger
than satan, yes?
teweeka YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
qux so it's okay for him to pray to satan to make him Good, because Jesus will
protect him? Okay.
NaNaMagic hey qux you dont pray to satan - u cast him away
qux but what if Jesus is busy somewhere else?
teweeka Satan can answer prayer, but only with God's permission, but there will
always be a string attatched.
Doug__ qux you can always pray to Him
Da_Bomb i have a question
qux erm... Satan has to ask God before he can answer a prayer? That doesn't
sound right?
NaNaMagic he is never too busy to answer our prayers
Hammerman never
qux satan or god? you're confusing me now?
TrustInYahwe you can pray to whom you feel like
NaNaMagic he has extensions on his ears
qux like Mr Spock?
NaNaMagic satan doesnt answer   prayers
qux but if he hears them, he might stop being evil.
NaNaMagic yes  jesus has ears for all
TrustInYahwe where in the Scriptures does it say Satan has to ask permission?
teweeka Maybe I phrased that wrong when I said Satan answers prayers. What I
meant was that he is able to do things we ask if if fits into his plan.
TrustInYahwe how do you know?
NaNaMagic why would u want to ask satan for anything
qux but what if we just ask him to stop being evil? maybe you have to pray really
hard to make him hear
NaNaMagic he is the root of all evil
TrustInYahwe how old are you qux?
qux and if you're in church and jesus is watching he won't get you
NaNaMagic to me to pray to satan would be sinning
teweeka I was answering the person who said he had a friend praying to Satan.
You should never pray to Satan!!!!!!!!!!!!!
motoms qux's friend must be very confused.
NaNaMagic dont count on it qux
qux but i thought i could always count on lord jesus?
TrustInYahwe I see we have a knucklehead on the channel

[I think TrustInYahwe had guessed by now, but the others talked him out of it]

motoms Our only true protection from Satan is the name and the blood of Jesus.
motoms Chill, Trust, it's a child
teweeka That's right motoms!!!!!!
motoms teweeka, you know qux?
teweeka No
Hammerman who is the nickelhead???
motoms "Call upon the name of the Lord and you will be saved"
teweeka Here! Here! motoms
TrustInYahwe where does it say that?
NaNaMagic i meant that satan cann sneak in and tempt u qux in to doing things
a christian would not do
motoms right na
qux not if jesus looks after me. that's his job
motoms If you belong to Jesus.
TrustInYahwe that's his job?
NaNaMagic we have to do our part in the great plan of life
motoms If not, you're on your own.
NaNaMagic right motoms
motoms If you deny Jesus, He will deny you.
motoms qux, do you know Jesus?
qux i didn't say i was denying him
motoms I know, but do you know Him?
TrustInYahwe what kind of question is that?
NaNaMagic qux are u a christian
teweeka qux, Is Jesus your personal savior?
qux well, i've never met him but i get  a warm fuzzy feeling inside
qux is that Him?
NaNaMagic it sounds like maybe u are trying to stradle the fine line between
good and evil
motoms warm fuzzies don't get you to heaven, or protect you from evil
teweeka I think qux is leading everyone on.
NaNaMagic me too
qux no im just trying to understand it
motoms Who are you, qux?  Where does your friend go to church?
teweeka I've seen this type of thing every time I come to a chat room where
there are Christians and that is the reason I don't come very often and why I am
now signing off.
motoms Bye teweeka.
motoms hang in ther
qux i have to go and think about this some more
qux ill tell my friend to stop for now
motoms Will you answer the question, qux

I think they had finally twigged by this time, so I left (it took them a while, though).

Okay, okay, so it was cruel and unfair. But it was enormous fun, and they shouldn't be so gullible. Normally you'd get kicked out as soon they suspect you're playing around, or simply are not a Christian - Christian IRC channels seem to be very intolerant of differing views.