Elephant Jokes
Some of my favourite Elephant Jokes
- What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
- Time to get a new fence.
- Why do elephants paint the soles of the feet yellow?
- So they can hide upside-down in the custard.
- How do you know when an elephant has been in your fridge?
- There are footprints in the butter.
- Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled? (1)
- If they were small, round and white they'd be asparins.
- Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled? (2)
- Have you ever tried ironing one?
- What's grey, has four legs, and a trunk?
- A mouse, going on holiday.
- What's brown, has four legs, and a trunk?
- The same mouse, coming back from holiday.
- How do you know when elephants have been making love in your garden?
- The grass is rolled flat and all the bin-liners are missing.
- Why do elephants have big ears?
- Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom. ( Noddy, Big Ears, get it? )
- Why do elephants paint themselves green?
- So they can sneak across snooker tables without being seen.
- How do elephants get up trees? (1/3)
- They sit on an acorn and fall asleep.
- How do elephants get down from trees? (2/3)
- They sit on a leaf and wait for Autumn.
- Why are crocodiles long, thin and flat? (3/3)
- They walk under trees in Autumn.
- How do you fit four elephants into a Mini?
- Two in the front, two in the back.
- How do you know when an elephant is visiting your house?
- There's a Mini outside with three elephants in it.
- What do elephants use as tampons?
- Sheep.
- Why do elephants have long trunks?
- Sheep don't have strings.
- How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
- Take out all the matches first.
These ones kindly donated by Ole Soerensen of Denmark:
- Have you ever seen an elephant swimming in the custard?
- No, but that just proves the efficiency of the camouflage.
- By the way, what is the black triangle sticking out of the custard?
- It's a shark. That's why the elephants hide...
- What's the similarity between an elephant and a blue plum?
- They are both grey. Well, except the plum.
- What did Tarzan say, when he saw the elephants coming down the hill?
- "Look, the elephants are coming down the hill."
- What did Julius Caesar say, when he saw the elephants coming down the hill?
- "Look, the plum's are coming down the hill." - he was colour-blind.
- And finally: How do you catch an elephant?
- You will need a jam-jar with a firm lid, a telescope, a
black-board and a piece of chalk. And a jungle with elephants, of course.
Go to the jungle.
Write 2+2=5 on the blackboard. All the elephants will come running
and be paralyzed with laughter. While they are busy laughing, turn
the telescope the wrong way around and use it to look at the elephants.
As they are now very small, you can easily pick them up and put them
in the glass and close the lid.
Some of my favourite Lightbulb Jokes
- How many Jugglers does it take to change a lightbulb?
- 100. 1 to change the bulb, and 99 to sit around and say "I could do that if I practised."
- How many Jugglers does it take to change a lightbulb?
- 100. 1 to change the bulb, and 99 to sit around and say "I taught him how to do that."
- How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- JUST ONE!!!!!
- How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
- None. Bill Gates just declares Darkness(TM) to be the new industry standard.
- How does a blonde screw in a lightbulb?
- She just holds the bulb up to the socket, and waits for the world to revolve around her.
- How many dyslexics does it take to change a lghtiblub?
- How many DEC service engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
- It depends how many spare burnt-out lightbulbs they brought with them.
- How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Just one - but the lightbulb has got to really want to change.
- How many surreallist artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Four. One to change the bulb, and three to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured power-tools.
On a more sober note, here is a story I wrote about elephants.
