Microsoft enforces copyright of binary numbers

In a remarkable show of business acumen, Bill Gates yesterday stated that Microsoft would be enforcing it's copyright protection of the binary number system (base 2, as opposed to decimal base 10). Henceforth, Microsoft will be issuing writs against all software and hardware vendors than employ the binary digits 0 and 1.

A spokesperson for a leading computer manufacturer has commented "While we have been expecting this move for some time, it still comes as a bit of a shock. As you may know, all computer hardware and software relies absolutely on binary digits. Today's computers only understand zeroes and ones, and to change this at such a late stage will be most inconvenient.". Current computers can only recognise 0 and 1, and all software is, at the base level, a string of binary numbers.

Larger firms such as IBM, Amdahl and Sun have been experimenting with analog or decimal computers for some years, in anticipation of Microsoft's move, but progress is slow. "It simply is not possible to convert all non-microsoft software from binary code. We are all going down the toilet." said Ed McCracken of Silicon Graphics.

Microsoft have stated that they are prepared to license out the use of 0 and 1 to any interested parties, but mention that they "do not think it is that big a problem".

Products that rely on binary numbers currently include disk drives, all software, all source code, all memory chips, all CPUs, tape drives, printers, scanners, CDROMS, sound cards and graphics cards. All software, including games, text, data, audio, video and graphics files will have to be converted or deleted. It is also expected to impact companies working on the Year 2000 problem, as they will now also have to convert their Year 2000 compliant code to decimal, trinary or analog.

Many large industrial companies (eg. aerospace, motor manufacture etc.) have a head start, as they have not yet converted from punched card to magnetic disk, and Gates' lawsuits do not apply to paper media. Air Traffic control computers are also exempt as they were built before Microsoft discovered and patented binary numbers.

Bill Gates commented "We see this as a positive step forward for the computer industry. For too long they have relied on 0 and 1. This will encourage them to broaden their horizons and develop hardware that can handle 2, 3 and maybe even higher numbers. For the time being, Microsoft will continue to develop binary-compliant software as a service to those who cannot currently upgrade to the as-yet-nonexistent non-binary machines. We see this as a public service, and will probably cost us thousands of dollars, but we are happy to remain behind while other companies press forward into new areas of technology and possible bankruptcy."