Theories on the universe

The amount of effort required to design and build launchers such as the Shuttle is enormous. Alternatives have been suggested, such as the "Space Winch" concept of using an already orbitting satellite to winch up smaller ones into orbit. This has it's own problems.

I believe now that the solution is at hand.

I give you....

It would look a little like this:

But it's so neat, so beautiful! Just imagine, instead of all that nasty mucking around with rockets and launchpads, you would only have to drive a truck up the ramp and tip the spacecraft off the end.

Food for thought

It would take a very long time to manually strangle all the turkeys, so it makes sense that some sort of automated process is involved, some sort of ACME TURKEY.STRANGLE-O-MATIC, if you will.

(having "Professional Turkey-strangler" on your C.V. (resume') would not be conducive to getting any job other that didn't involve turkey-strangling)

Now, this means that somewhere in the world there must a company that specialises in producing the necessary hardware for quickly dispatching table-bound fowl. In the design/manufacture process for such a device it would be quite inhumane to test out new ideas on live birds ("Hey Bert, let's try it this way now."), and also quite impractical, as they require a constant supply of out-of-season turkeys.

Only one conclusion can be drawn from this:

Somewhere, there is a company that manufactures and exports turkey-strangling-machine crash-test dummies.

If a representative of such a company would like to contact me, I would be happy to insert a small advertisement for their wonderful product on this page. Thank you.

The amount of energy being discharged into the atmosphere at the poles is awesome. If we could somehow tap into it, it would be a source of almost limitless energy for the whole world.

Well, here is one way of doing it:

At the North and South poles, build a large ring of copper, completely circling each pole. As the atmosphere itself is a poor conductor, copper rods should be added tp the ring, extending several kilometres upwards at regular intervals. Centered on the pole, the ring should have a radius of 100-200 miles, to maximise the energy capture. Ah, you may say, but that's no use, as it does not form a circuit. Where will the energy flow to?

Here's the clever bit : A copper cable, many metres thick, shall be built to connect the North and South Polar rings (drilling directly through the Earth's core would probably be impractical).

This completes the circuit and allows the North Pole to connect with the opposite polarity ring at the South Pole, allowing the charge carried by the particles to discharge optimally into the circuit, creating a massive electrical potential. Voltages such as man has never known will flow between the poles and may be tapped to power the world.

As the Sun cannot be relied on to produce a steady output, the power available would fluctuate, and may occasionally drop off completely. This will be subject of a future project - Moon Capacitor!

If we expand this concept a little, it is easy to see that an entire computer screen may be treated as a single binary number. If your display is 1280 x 1024 pixels (quite a common size) then it could be treated as a single 1310720 bit binary number. It can store all the possible numbers from 0 to 2^1310720-1 (which is more than the number of particles in the universe).

If you set your computer (admittedly, it would have to be quite a fast one) counting, from 0 up to 2^1310720-1, it would display all the knowledge in the universe. Every frame from every movie, every page of every book, the DNA of every creature that has ever lived, the face of every person who has ever lived, the complete source of every computer program ever written, the entire life history of every single living organism, a picture of every square inch of every planet in the universe. Everything, ever would appear on your screen. There would be an awful lot of meaningless junk, but in amongst it will be all the knowledge in the universe.

And that's just with a single bitplane. If you treat a 24-bit display as a single binary number, you'll get the same information, but in colour!

• Archeologists/historians (to video L. Da Vinci, for instance).
• Souvenier hunters.
• Assassins (out to get Hitler,maybe).
• Evangelists, come back to pre-emptively (or is it post-emptively) save our souls.
• Tourists.
• Criminals.

None of these have turned up, leading to the conclusion that time travel is impossible.

However, it may well be that it is possible to travel through time, and here I suggest some possible reasons why we have not encountered intrepid voyagers from the future.

• Time-travel devices are very strictly controlled, and we are visited all the time, but only by highly trained agents who do not make themselves known.
• The human race becomes extinct before the technology is perfected.
• The resources required to construct a time machine are beyond our capabilites (maybe it requires the energy of a supernova to travel twenty minutes...).
• It's really really complicated and we just can't manage it.
• Alien races intervene and stop us from attempting it.
• All the people who do come back can't resist killing their own great-great-grandparents and vanish in a puff of paradox.

I believe that the reason for this behaviour must be one of the following:

1. They want us to spot them. They are, in fact, intergalactic extroverts bent on getting attention.
2. The lights are a side-effect of their advanced propulsion systems, and it is unavoidable.
3. They have radically different senses to ours, and don't realise that the lights are showing as they themselves cannot detect that portion of the E.M. spectrum.
4. They act as warning lights, in a similar manner to Earth-bound ships and aircraft, to stop them crashing into one another.
5. The aliens just think they are pretty.

Below is an image of the Hand of His Holiness The Pope. It has been blessed with the powers to exorcise the evil spirits that are known to cause run-time errors in computer software, as well as computer viruses (Satan's Software).

How does it operate? It's quite simple. Just take a floppy disk, or DAT tape, containing a copy of the infected software and rub it in a circle three times against the Holy Image, whilst chanting "Oh Holy Father, Bless this Software and rid it of Evil".

When next you use the software, you will find that it miraculously functions perfectly. If it does not, then it is obvious that you yourself are causing the problems by your SINFUL lifestyle, and you WILL BURN IN

adrian